[after 5pm]
i wouldn't be affected much by the surrounding and being ignored. the performance is processing and growing these days, i am into the space, seeing it around me. but you may hardly bare it when the participants are your my parents, even if you know they will come; even if they devote unconditional attention and care to seeing me reading, back and forth; even if.
a girl in green comes twice today.
the starting point of people approaching to my place will determine how they learn and interact the piece. some start at the statement holder, the other from the camera table; some may be also attracted by my action first.
[around 5pm]
[around 4pm]
[around 3pm]
the girl in green comes again while Ka is listening. she sits down after Ka switches to the material table. i look up, her face reminds me of an old friend but i cannot recall. her face is rosy and dewy. i feel touched and confirmed watching her eyes seeing me. every time before i decide to look up to the person sitting in front of me, i have to confess, i am nervous, as i have no clue about their facial expressions. i bet she might be 3 or 4 years younger than me. i see some reflection through her eyes. we exchange smiles while reading and listening. i wish this moment could last longer. yet it could not be better that seeing it interrupted by an elderly woman gently putting her hand on her shoulder from behind. she slowly looks back at this woman without a word only a smile. then looks back to me, leaving with a smile and a ‘thank you’.
Ka is approaching me from her exhibit spot. we are close. she sits down without reading the statement. initially she is smiling when i look up and make eye contact with her. later on, at one moment, she frowns and tilts her head slightly, i can tell she is carefully digesting what i am reading. she is thinking about the text not only my voice. Ka is an excellent writer.
a woman and her kid come. she lets the 4-5 year old kid sit down on the chair. yet the kid chooses to sit on the floor next to my label. i sit straight and slightly lean towards the boy. his vision sometimes wanders around, or he might be listening carefully, but have no idea of how to catch the eye contact from a stranger who is reading for him in this space. the woman is standing behind him, also listening. a while later, they move to the camera table, she reads the text and without a second thought, she lets her boy go back to the listening chair. he sits down on the floor again, a hand is scratching my label on the floor. i hear the shutter is clicking. seems like she reads my mind before. she grabs his hand and leaves, smiling at me with a ‘thank you’.
a man with glasses and a hat sits down rapidly after reading the statement. there is an activated energy spreading out from his body. he begins to take a video, a panning shot starting from Nahom’s Shepherd’s Son(Why have you come looking for a new father), slowly turning towards me. the shooting seems very intentional to me. he then turns off the phone, watching at me, listening to my reading, but not so long, he leaves with saying ‘thanks’.
a girl in green comes, for the first time. she seems curious and is reading the texts carefully but hesitating to sit down. she moves to the camera table instead, opening the lens cap, then reading the agenda, carefully, sometimes she will look up at me. she seems not take any picture at the end, only with the lens cap opening.
i find people who tends to sit down and listen but eventually not would become the observer and take pictures of me.
a father wearing a wool hat carrying a sleeping bag with his baby inside comes. he stands in front of me and listens for a while, then slowly walking to the camera table. he picks up and read the agenda. later, he squats down with holding the sleeping bag, turning on the camera, taking a picture of me, and signing the name. the baby is still sleeping.
i wouldn't be affected much by the surrounding and being ignored. the performance is processing and growing these days, i am into the space, seeing it around me. but you may hardly bare it when the participants are your my parents, even if you know they will come; even if they devote unconditional attention and care to seeing me reading, back and forth; even if.
a girl in green comes twice today.
the starting point of people approaching to my place will determine how they learn and interact the piece. some start at the statement holder, the other from the camera table; some may be also attracted by my action first.
[around 5pm]
the ending today is like a vibration. less intense interactions than the previous days.
[around 4pm]
from a distance, i see a woman in red coat. i know it must be her, my mom. she is more confirmed and confident while walking towards my spot, and sitting in front of me, compared to my dad. my parents flew to the state yesterday and come to the show today. she is sitting in front of me, i cannot look up her face, but i know she is smiling. then, she stands up, leaning towards to me with a low voice: “so what are you reading?” i don’t know how to respond and in what kind of tone. shall i switch my performative reading? i am already form my energy and mindset to fit into this reading journey, i could naturally switch between reading the text or pause a bit to interact with people. but i do not know how to handle it this time. i say “the bridge” for twice as response and quickly jumping back to the reading. as if i don’t want people to recognize i am answering my mom’s question. she doesn’t get it at first, until she hears i repeat the word ‘bridge’ many times while reading. he does not sit down, even if i feel he is trying to do so, he is walking around and reading all the text on every single table. he takes pictures of each table. he might need a translator.
they are wandering around, seeing me from both close and far distances. i keep reading, yet the meaning of the texts is cancelled, the reading transfers into a pure action. i lost my words. then, i see them walking away. my dad sits on a black chair far away but right straight to my reading table. my mom is looking around other pieces. sometimes they would disappear in my vision for a while, then return to the other side of the area. yet they are always in my vision. i look up, i see them watching over me from a distance, a quick glance, like a check-in. i try to pretend they are other visitors. i begin to look up and smile more to them, naturally. i think i am getting used to their existence here, until they disappear in my vision for quite a while, neither of them show up, i guess they may leave. my reading keeps going during this time. i cannot stop it. it is my protection. i feel the farthest distance and the strongest devotion overlaps at the same time. i am reading in a foreign language which my parents cannot understand fully and straightforwardly. instead summarizing in chinese, i want them to understand my stories word by word, those details in each journal entry. it’s so hard. again, i lost my words. am i the same person (daughter) they’ve known before? i am reading under their unconditional attention. it’s so light that it is too heavy for me.
i try to keep still, calm and continue reading, pretending nothing happen on the surface. no one sees me weeping after my parents disappear in my vision, only a stranger knows. he comes after and sits down. a secret. he sits down, i exchange with my tears, we informally sign an agreement. my parents come back again while he is still listening to me, my mom takes a picture for this. they don’t see me weeping as we have a distance in between. the man seeing me weeping leaves with mouthing a ‘thank you’. i will never know he sits down because i am weeping or he simply wants to be a listener.
they are wandering around, seeing me from both close and far distances. i keep reading, yet the meaning of the texts is cancelled, the reading transfers into a pure action. i lost my words. then, i see them walking away. my dad sits on a black chair far away but right straight to my reading table. my mom is looking around other pieces. sometimes they would disappear in my vision for a while, then return to the other side of the area. yet they are always in my vision. i look up, i see them watching over me from a distance, a quick glance, like a check-in. i try to pretend they are other visitors. i begin to look up and smile more to them, naturally. i think i am getting used to their existence here, until they disappear in my vision for quite a while, neither of them show up, i guess they may leave. my reading keeps going during this time. i cannot stop it. it is my protection. i feel the farthest distance and the strongest devotion overlaps at the same time. i am reading in a foreign language which my parents cannot understand fully and straightforwardly. instead summarizing in chinese, i want them to understand my stories word by word, those details in each journal entry. it’s so hard. again, i lost my words. am i the same person (daughter) they’ve known before? i am reading under their unconditional attention. it’s so light that it is too heavy for me.
i try to keep still, calm and continue reading, pretending nothing happen on the surface. no one sees me weeping after my parents disappear in my vision, only a stranger knows. he comes after and sits down. a secret. he sits down, i exchange with my tears, we informally sign an agreement. my parents come back again while he is still listening to me, my mom takes a picture for this. they don’t see me weeping as we have a distance in between. the man seeing me weeping leaves with mouthing a ‘thank you’. i will never know he sits down because i am weeping or he simply wants to be a listener.
[around 3pm]
the girl in green comes again while Ka is listening. she sits down after Ka switches to the material table. i look up, her face reminds me of an old friend but i cannot recall. her face is rosy and dewy. i feel touched and confirmed watching her eyes seeing me. every time before i decide to look up to the person sitting in front of me, i have to confess, i am nervous, as i have no clue about their facial expressions. i bet she might be 3 or 4 years younger than me. i see some reflection through her eyes. we exchange smiles while reading and listening. i wish this moment could last longer. yet it could not be better that seeing it interrupted by an elderly woman gently putting her hand on her shoulder from behind. she slowly looks back at this woman without a word only a smile. then looks back to me, leaving with a smile and a ‘thank you’.
Ka is approaching me from her exhibit spot. we are close. she sits down without reading the statement. initially she is smiling when i look up and make eye contact with her. later on, at one moment, she frowns and tilts her head slightly, i can tell she is carefully digesting what i am reading. she is thinking about the text not only my voice. Ka is an excellent writer.
a woman and her kid come. she lets the 4-5 year old kid sit down on the chair. yet the kid chooses to sit on the floor next to my label. i sit straight and slightly lean towards the boy. his vision sometimes wanders around, or he might be listening carefully, but have no idea of how to catch the eye contact from a stranger who is reading for him in this space. the woman is standing behind him, also listening. a while later, they move to the camera table, she reads the text and without a second thought, she lets her boy go back to the listening chair. he sits down on the floor again, a hand is scratching my label on the floor. i hear the shutter is clicking. seems like she reads my mind before. she grabs his hand and leaves, smiling at me with a ‘thank you’.
[around 2pm]
a man with glasses and a hat sits down rapidly after reading the statement. there is an activated energy spreading out from his body. he begins to take a video, a panning shot starting from Nahom’s Shepherd’s Son(Why have you come looking for a new father), slowly turning towards me. the shooting seems very intentional to me. he then turns off the phone, watching at me, listening to my reading, but not so long, he leaves with saying ‘thanks’.
a girl in green comes, for the first time. she seems curious and is reading the texts carefully but hesitating to sit down. she moves to the camera table instead, opening the lens cap, then reading the agenda, carefully, sometimes she will look up at me. she seems not take any picture at the end, only with the lens cap opening.
i find people who tends to sit down and listen but eventually not would become the observer and take pictures of me.
a father wearing a wool hat carrying a sleeping bag with his baby inside comes. he stands in front of me and listens for a while, then slowly walking to the camera table. he picks up and read the agenda. later, he squats down with holding the sleeping bag, turning on the camera, taking a picture of me, and signing the name. the baby is still sleeping.
[around 1pm]
dry plants, dead bugs, sifting out of the stack, scattering on the reading table.
photo by an observer on 5.25